


Quieter ones

by ClaraCivry (Kat_Of_Dresden)



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Developing Friendships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Insecure/Sad Brian, Long Hair, Song references, Straightforward John, helpful Deaky, sad Brian, set in the mid 70s
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 20:49:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17649626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kat_Of_Dresden/pseuds/ClaraCivry
Summary: Brian feels like shit, and keeps thinking he's a disappointment.John decides to help, even if he doesn't know the guitarist all that well.Sad Brian and Brian/Deaky friendship





	Quieter ones

He had been right, hadn't he? His father, when he said that Brian was a failure, that he had made the wrong choice. His father believed that he had thrown his future away choosing to be a musician and abandoning astronomy. He didn't think he was talented enough, he wouldn't ever think he was good enough to make a living with his music. He was merely a disappointing musician who had no place anywhere. Not good enough a musician, no place in science now either.

(Disappointment)

He should have known that this couldn't last. He was too different from the others, he didn't listen enough, he didn't accept the ideas other people had, he was always rewriting and trying to make things more his. Stupid Brian, as if his changes were any better. The others were probably super tired of him and just wanted him to shut up and play the guitar, which was his job. They didn't need all the rest. They didn't need his selfishness, his arrogance.

Brian was always trying to get his ideas to work, always proposing more and more songs, more and more lyrics. And of course, always putting guitar solos everywhere, so that he could show off his incredibly ability with his instrument. Who did he think he was? Just because a couple of his songs had some moderate success now he thought himself good? Nobody wanted to listen to him, nobody wanted his solos

(Self-centered idiot)

But he had a responsibility, didn't he? People counted on him to write songs. They counted on him to do good music, good lyrics, good guitar and drum parts, good everything. Songs that were catchy and fun, and not just his usual sad songs. They wanted things that were epic, and cheeky, and different and wonderful. Songs that were at the same time new and surprising, but still Queen sounding and with hit potential. And all that he did was bore them with the same old rock song.

(Dull, unimaginative boy)

Maybe the band would be better off with someone else, maybe it would help them expand, be greater be better. Maybe he was holding them back with his mediocrity. He was... too normal, they could do with someone with more creativity, more colour, more ability. Not just a better musician but a better person for them. Someone more outrageous and excessive, like Freddie and Roger.

It made Brian feel really bad when they were in a concert and Freddie was all over him, constantly moving and dancing around, practically eating him to get get him to move, and he just stood there with his guitar, planted like a tree. He had never been much a dancy guy despite being in a musical band, and now it was painfully obvious for everyone to see. He spent all his time thinking, thinking to get it right, thinking to make it better, thinking always.

(Overthinking fool)

He didn't have much of a look, either. Queen was a very fashion-conscious band, and they had people who were very good at finding clothes that were at the same time outrageous, very much rockstar-looking and stylish too. Freddie was the most incredible and bold dresser, and because he had studied design he knew a lot about clothing and what went well with who. Their look was a part of who they were and their success too, and Brian had no idea.

Roger had a great eye for fashion too, made an effort, and was able to combine a lot of colours and make them look good on him. Things that wouldn't look good on anyone else, things nobody could expect to look good, but they looked great on him. And John was effortlessly stylish. He knew what to dress, he knew what looked good on him and what was appropriate on each shoot, or video or anything. But Brian... If it wasn't for Freddie dressing him he would wear the same jeans and t-shirt over and over. He had no eye for fashion. Just another thing he was bad at.

(Good for nothing)

His father had been absolutely right to feel that he had failed, that his only son was an utter and absolute complete failure. Because that was what he was, and he would never live up to his or anyone else's expectations, never live up to the talent of the rest of the band.

(Weak)

The same thought kept repeating themselves on his head, over and over again. He was stupid, untalented, an ugly failure son, friend and guitar player. Sure, he had good days once in a while, but they didn't make up for all the sadness and dullness, didn't make up for all the horrible parts. Most of him was just... mediocre. Uninteresting.

(Insufficient)

The world, his parents, the band, everyone had had such high hopes for him. The entire world thought that Brian May was going to do great things, be a great person, be it a musician, or a doctor in astrophysics, or a songwriter... And he'd let everyone down. Those he hadn't yet he would, because no matter how much he tried to please everybody, he was always too weird or too normal, too sad or too conventional.

While the others had colours, he was black and white. While the others had joy, he was stuck in this never ending sadness.

*

John was supposed to be fetching Brian for a night of neverending fun and group celebrations that he suspected Roger and Freddie had already started. John really didn't feel that much like partying, especially with those two unleashed, but he knew that sometimes it was necessary. If you didn't “release some steam” every once in a while those two (but mostly Roger) got angry and cranky and not fun to be around.

“Brian?”

Nobody was answering on Brian's door, even if John could hear some noise on the other side, so it was clear that someone was there.

“It's just me, Brian. I'm supposed to get you for a wild night out.”

Well, that sounded awful.

“Please, John. Just tell them you couldn't find me. I'm sure you'll have more fun without me anyway.”

That sounded even worse. John was getting a bit worried.

“That's not true. You always say interesting things, you make the evening more... I don't know, deep. And prevent the others from doing something they regret.”

“You can do that yourself. You don't need me.”

Brian sounded subdued, sad. And of course they needed him, to say something else was ridiculous. Something had to be going on.

“Is everything all right? You sound... off.”

“I'm fine. I just don't feel like going out.”

“You don't sound fine. Let me in.”

Knowing that John was probably not going to be anywhere any time, Brian opened the door and quickly went back to his bed, where he'd thrown himself not even wanting to stand. John threw himself next to Brian and his teary eyes, his own long hair spread on the bed, next to those million curls. The two of them weren't the closest of friends, Brian was older than him and didn't know much about cars, and he knew a lot about space... something he had no idea of. But John liked Brian, even if he didn't know him all that well.

In general, Brian was more difficult to get to know than the other two, because he was older, or more prone to thinking, or more introspective than the others. But it was quite clear that he was an essential part of their sound, of their band. Brian was (occasionally) able to calm Roger down too, to defuse fights, which was no easy feat. He was really important to them, music-wise and personal-wise so John had no idea why he would say something like “you'll be happier without me”, or even worse “you don't need me”.

Of course they needed him.

“Something the matter?” John asked, trying to catch that teary gaze.

“You should go, party.”

“I cannot face all that raw energy and party love on my own.”

Brian looked at him with puppy dog eyes, begging him to go and leave him alone with his sadness. But those things didn't work on John, he wasn't just going to leave before he was asked.

“It looks like you aren't in much of a party mood, either.” He told the guitarist. “Did anything happen? You can talk to me. I can keep a secret.”

Brian looked at John with bright eyes full of sadness. John was a kid, but a nice kid. Maybe he could tell him. The bassist looked like he didn't judge, or at least not too severely.

“I'm just.... a disappointment.”

John didn't understand. Brian was the most accomplished out of all of them, why would he feel like a disappointment?

“You're not even thirty and you have a degree in I don't know how many sciences, you know all that you know about space, you play the guitar, you sing and you write songs... What more do you want?”

“I'm not good enough in any of those things. I'm not good like you guys.”

John couldn't help laughing.

“Not good like us? I'm going to get a page out of the Roger book and ask, are you joking? You must be joking.”

Brian looked at him with a confused look.

“You're probably one of the best instrumentalists in all of the UK, and you think we're better. That's insane.”

They stayed like that for a bit, on the bed, just processing what they'd heard. And then John confessed something.

“I have to admit it, you quite intimidated me when I started on the band.”

Brian's eyebrows shot up to the sky.

“Me? Intimidate? …. Was it because I'm tall?”

“Not just that! You were also super smart, and you had been playing guitar practically your whole life... You're not just an amazing musician, you're an amazing person, and I was afraid I wouldn't live up to all that.”

“I'm not amazing. I can sound good on paper, oh scientist guitarist but then you meet me... I'm not all that.”

“You're better than that, whatever that is. You're deep and you're kind and you're a great artist. Anyone who can't see it is an idiot, including yourself.”

They were lovely words, but a bit hard to believe.

“There's no need to cheer me up, John. You don't have to.”

“Maybe I want to.”

“Why?”

“Well, obviously you're part of the band and we need you. But also maybe I want us to be friends? More friends, I mean. Roger and Freddie can be... quite a handful. Us quieter ones should have each other's back, don't you think?”

Brian smiled one of his sad smiles. It was a nice sentiment.

“I should probably get out of this hole of self pity and get dressed and go out, shouldn't I?” Brian said, always with his sense of duty. But Deaky decided that they could probably skip this one.

“I am quite comfy on this bed, and since neither of us is in a real party mood... Roger and Freddie can party without us. Why don't you tell me more about pre-Queen times? Oooh tell me more about your band before Freddie, and all the bassists that didn't work out.”

And so they stayed, just talking, thrown on that bed, forgetting about the party they were suppposed to go to, forgetting about their woes, forgetting about anything. It was just them, the quieter ones, being heard, having someone to listen. Brian liked how straightforward John was, and the bassist enjoyed the convoluted way Brian had of looking at things.

It was a good match, and by the end of the night Brian had forgot all his feelings of unworthyness, all his sadness. John said he was good, and who was he to dismiss such a clear and strong opinion?

Sometimes the only thing you need was a quieter partner who would put things in perspective, but not allow you to get too much into yourself. Sometimes all you needed was a quiet night in (happy at home) rather than another party where the music was too loud for their words to be heard.

Sometimes all it took was a fellow quieter soul to get out of the darkness, and back into the light.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked!
> 
> If you enjoyed please comment! Your words literally make my day!


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